Life is Saudi Arabia: Year One Reflections

Today, June 6, marks our year anniversary in Saudi Arabia. It’s flown by. , also during Ramadan. Everything was new, foreign, HOT and seemed like a challenge. So many people said to us, “Wait until a year from now. You’ll be a veteran before you know it.”

I had a lot of apprehensions about moving here, but I was also up for an adventure. It really took no time to get accustomed to the differences – call to prayer, navigating trips off the DQ around and during prayer times, seeing a woman completely covered while her husband wears Western clothing, the heat, having to be driven everywhere, not being able to have a glass of wine while out to dinner, missile attack interceptions (NBD), etc. Just another day in the kingdom. 

As I’ve learned with most situations in life, it’s ALL relative. Experiences are what I make them. I can choose to let the positive or negative affect me.

On the positive, I’m so proud of the fact I made every effort to work in the Starcom Riyadh office, which very few women have the opportunity to do in this country. I enjoyed everyday there, getting to know the business in a new country, learning from people and making new relationships. I’m bummed I’m not working at the moment, but the silver lining is, that this isn’t a financial burden on us. And not working during this pregnancy has been a blessing, as my blood pressure and stress level will attest.

I’ve also been able to devote more time to the boys, my passions, and take better care of myself. What a gift! I’ve learned a new language…hmmmm, shwaya (a little). We’ve been able to see other parts of the region and took a couple amazing vacations. We’ve made new forever friends.

On the flip side, Saudi Arabia is still one of the most oppressive countries in the world. I recognize and respect the cultural differences between a conservative Muslim country and the U.S. There are a lot of changes that have taken place since our arrival though – women are no longer required a male guardian to travel, the women driving ban is lifted (so happy to be proved wrong on that one!), and the opening of movie, censored of course, theaters. But just a few weeks ago a number of women activists were arrested for speaking out against the government and royal family; for what exactly no one knows. Any progress being made is great, but I believe that improving human rights for women and foreign nationals are critical to be considered true cultural reform that will in turn help other countries to see any progress as legitimate. Early after we arrived I learned of Vision 2030 and wrote about my hope for progress. I haven’t lost that hope. We’ve been fortunate to be here at a pivotal time. I just hope more substantial change is yet to come that isn't just focused on entertainment, tourism, and capitalism. This is my struggle being here, particularly as an American diplomatic guest in the country.

When I meet new people they usually ask if I like being here. Being the honest person I am, I say “I don’t dislike it.” Same as when I lived in London, being outside of the U.S. for an extended period of time makes me appreciate home so much more. Even for all of its faults and shortcomings, living here has brought a lot of positive change and growth in my life and to our family. For that, Saudi Arabia will always have a unique significance to us. And yes, in case you were wondering, I will be getting my drivers license in the coming weeks!

A New Narrative For Saudi…and the US?

Disclaimer: I’m going a little off my usual topics this week. Guess I’m just fired up and need to vent.

Not sure if anyone was keeping tabs on the World Economic Forum last week. I surely wasn’t, but I happened to catch a video clip of Princess Reema during the Saudi panel discussion. I’ve written about her in a few previous posts as she’s a huge women advocate and I had the pleasure of seeing her speak at a conference in December. She’s brilliant and I took her words in Davos to heart. I will admit that I’m guilty of being judgmental of some cultural differences and skeptical of progress in Saudi Arabia.

This was timely because just the day before I was out to lunch with some fellow “diplo wives of Riyadh”. ;) We were discussing Islamic culture, particularly rules for women during Ramadan and not being able to fast when menstruating and the requirement of those fast days being made up later in the year before the next Ramadan. When I learned of this it reminded me of Orthodox Judaism’s law of niddah and how a woman is considered “impure” while on her period and until she cleanses herself (mikvah). Yes, both practices seems a bit extreme and anti-woman to me. It’s not my culture, nor my religion. I wasn’t raised with those practices in my upbringing, but I applaud people who are devout and closely follow their religion’s rules. I bend the rules of the Catholic Church quite a bit, so kudos to them!

I try to be pretty open minded about other religions and cultures and after listening the Princess Reema’s panel discussion in Davos it reinforced – I’m not saying what’s right or wrong, some things are just different than what I’m accustomed to. Living and working in KSA has certainly pushed me to be more understanding and accepting.

Although I’ve been hopeful about progress in the Kingdom and excited to see it happen while we’re living here, which I’ve written about previously, I will totally own being a naysayer about the progress made in this country. A lot has happened since our arrival last June. Women will be driving this summer, movie theaters will open in March, women over the age of 25 can travel alone (with some stipulations), women can now attend soccer matches, there is an co-ed outdoor music festival planned in Riyadh this spring, etc. If you speak with anyone who has lived here more than 5 years they with say this changes are huge! And when they were announced a lot of people said, including myself, I’ll believe it when I see it...insha allah (if God wills it). Once can quickly become jaded being here when you start feeling oppressed yourself.

All of these changes are the right thing to do for the Kingdom and its’ people. A lot of people will say it’s being done for the West, to make companies feel more comfortable doing business here. And that is sad, because even though progress has been slow for decades or regressed because some clerics deemed it, the truth of the matter is America and the West, probably shouldn’t be casting stones.

I’m not going to say that things are perfect in KSA. There is so much progress still to be made. I’ve heard some sexist comments made about women, from non-Saudis and non-Muslims alike. Yes, I will respond when I hear them but I do so VERY politely. I’m always reminding myself that our cultures are so different. It’s nothing that offensive, mainly comments about women not knowing how to drive properly driving or dealing with women’s hormones in the office. Really, some of these comments would have been common to hear in the U.S. 20 years ago.

But look at how devastating our culture is right now? We claim to be progressive but how can we be when we have so many devastating sexual assault, harassment and inequality issues and an obscene amount that surfaced in just the last 4 months? We unfortunately have a culture of f*ck boys, cultivated for decades, who somewhere along the way believed it was fine to demean women and men, preyed on those with less strength or power, took advantage of people with less status than them, and made it so those people didn’t feel safe speaking out or coming forward, until now. Even the supposed good guys, those portrayed as heroes in films in Hollywood, didn’t even come to the rescue of their friends and costars when they heard these stories years ago! It’s disappointing to know these acts have recently taken place in corporate culture, in politics, and in universities. It makes me feel like nowhere is safe. And as a mother it’s really scary. The #MeToo and #TimesUp movements have been powerful in creating support that’s obviously necessary for people to know and feel they’re not alone. Is shocking that it’s taken this long for it all to surface.

Clearly a lot of progress still needs to be made in the US, too. I hope and pray we’re closing an ugly chapter and that people will never be afraid to speak their truth. I will do everything in my power to raise kind and respectful children, with confidence and strength to not only defend for themselves but to defend anyone they hear of or see is being hurt.

Change Is Always Certain

Ramadan is officially over and Eid Al-Fitr started on Sunday. In most countries Eid is celebrated for 3 days, but in KSA it's usually a week. The US Embassy here is also closed during this time so it’s been nice having more time with J with week. And I'm not sure if you heard the news this past week, but there was royal decree which replaced Crown Prince Mohammed bin Nayef with Mohammed bin Salman, the King's son and the previous Deputy Crown Prince. It’s BIG news. With these announcements came another week of Eid. It means nothing for us, as the US Embassy will be back to 100% next week, but the change in power will mean a lot for the people of the Kingdom and the US's relationship with KSA.

I'm am by no means well-versed in the politics between our countries and I'm not going to act as if my 3-week experience in KSA gives me any right to give an opinion on what the change in power will affect. What I do know is that the Crown Prince, MBS as he's widely called, is 31 years old (very young for a Crown Prince), considered progressive in Middle East terms, and basically said that he’ll enact more change, quickly.

He's been at the forefront of Saudi Vision 2030, a plan for economic and developmental action in KSA. It's set to reduce the Kingdom’s dependence on oil and rely on alternatives to diversify the economy and the development of service sectors such as health, education, infrastructure, construction, recreation and tourism. Some goals include reinforcing economic and investment activities, increasing the non-oil industries trade between the countries through the goods and consumer products, and increased government spending on military manufacturing equipment and ammunitions.

It’s wonderful that it’s published online and in English so that anyone around the globe can access it. There is so much discussion that could be had on every theme of it. I’m sure so many Poli-Sci and Middle Eastern Studies professors have starting delving into this with their students. What I find most interesting about the Vision is the theme of a “vibrant society with fulfilling lives”. Within that theme are two particular tenants: 1) promoting culture and entertainment and 2) living healthy, being healthy.

Currently there are no movie theaters here. The irony of the presence of Disney’s Frozen and other movie characters in the malls and grocery stores is not lost though. How does a young girl know about Elsa if she’s supposedly never seen the movie? At any rate, construction for Riyadh’s first movie theater has started. I wonder what movies will be shown? Although music isn’t technically illegal because there is a music industry here, it’s impossible to learn an instrument in school so lessons are very private, plus there is no way to purchase music here. I read that people use Torrent. Any music that’s somewhat recognizable in malls or restaurants is Kenny G-esque and actual lullabies set to muzac. Toby Keith playing here during Trump’s last visit was sadly thought of as progressive - women weren’t allowed to attend. Artists, filmmakers, writers are pretty much “underground” or creating in other countries. Maybe it’s the American in me that can’t imagine a country without freedom of speech or the fact that arts and culture were such a big part of my upbringing that I feel every child should be exposed to, but I’m really looking forward to seeing what strides the Kingdom makes.  I hope we’ll be able to go a gallery during our time here.

The other part of the vision I find intriguing is around living and being healthy. At one point women could work out in public gyms, then there was a ban and now it seems that there are now women’s only gyms…progress! Up until the last few years, in girls’ schools and universities, there are no gym classes or sports teams, and therefore there are no professional women’s teams. And you probably remember that there were only four women sent to the Olympic games in Rio, three of which trained in the US. It’s tough to find any recent articles or proof of additional progress being made. Princess Reema bint Bandar Al-Saud was appointed as the Vice President for Women's Affairs of the General Sports Authority a year ago, just before the Olympics announcement was made. And a professional women’s squash tournament will be hosted at her university in Riyadh later this year. I know, soccer or tennis would be much more exciting. Hopefully these milestones aren’t just for PR and will create some positive momentum. I just read about some women’s running clubs in Riyadh, although I can’t imagine running in an abaya. I nearly trip in mine just walking up stairs! Maybe I’ll eventually get out with them once I get more coordinated in it.

As I read the plans for 2030, there seems like SO much opportunity and possibility for creative minded people and women to have an active role in attaining the goals that the King and Crown Prince have set out for the Kingdom. It’s an exciting time and I’m hopeful we’ll get to witness a number of positive changes that will greatly impact the lives of so many people. Will update you all along the way…