Celebrating An Un-Orthodox Easter

April 10, 2018 Adrienne Bitter

The thing about living in the Middle East is that your normal western and Christian life is dramatically altered. I’ve written about the daily challenges of working around prayer times, amongst other things, which I won’t drone on about now. The workweek in the Middle East is Sunday to Thursday. Pretty much nothing gets done on Fridays since that’s the day of the week that Muslims religiously observe and go to mosque. Most businesses aren’t open Friday mornings, or have limited hours, so we’re always at the pool then. There are no Christian churches here so going to mass isn’t an option and when it comes to Christian holidays they kind of feel like any other day of the year. Christmas was hard enough, not having our usual ritual of Christmas Eve Mass but Easter was really strange for me this year.

I enjoy the Lenten season, starting with Ash Wednesday. I grew up going to Stations of the Cross every Friday and celebrating Holy Week has always been a big deal with my family, leading up to Easter. Clearly none of the aforementioned events could be observed here. And since Easter falls on a Sunday, we went about like any other day. On Saturday I made quiche and we gave The Gents their baskets since they don’t know any different yet. At least J was be home so we could have our family time. Yes, we were able to attend the Embassy Easter Egg Hunt with The Gents, but for me that’s not what Easter is all about. At least we were able to FaceTime with my Mother, Brother, and Sister-In-Law. I was so sad to not only miss Easter with my family, but the surprise arrival of my new nephew on Easter evening!!! (Side note: My SIL was born on Christmas Eve and my Brother on Good Friday, so their little family is covering all of the important Christian holidays!)

When I got an invite last week to celebrate Orthodox Easter with my Belarusian friend, I jumped at the offer. Sure it would be on Sunday, and I always have plenty of things to do at home, but after feeling like I missed out on Western Easter I wasn’t passing up this opportunity. Even though I’m not Orthodox, my mother is so this would feel familial to me. Since my mother converted back to Orthodox when I was in college, and if I’m home in Ann Arbor, we celebrate Orthodox Easter together. Although I’m unconventional when it comes to some aspects in my life, I love tradition. Family is everything. And in my family a lot of tradition falls around holidays. Gathering with people that mean the most to you is a big part of that.

This Easter ended up being really lovely. A small group of women, some whom I don’t normally hang out with, came together to celebrate. Our mutual friend made a beautiful authentic feast and taught us some Belarusian traditions. I learned more about my friend’s culture and about these women (Muslim, Christian, Egyptian, Yemeni, Filipina) that I wouldn’t have been able to learn otherwise.

Being so far from home and getting to celebrate a holiday with some people I’ve been able to make a connection with is quite special and I’m grateful for that. This was a nice reminder to count my blessings and to take advantage of opportunities that come my way. It might not be how I’d normally celebrate the holiday, but it’s made my heart full this week and filled a temporary void. xo

Letting Go

April 3, 2018 Adrienne Bitter

There was a time in my life that I would definitely consider myself a control freak. It wasn’t the need to plan every aspect and detail of my life or needing to be in control of every situation. I’m a planner and I wanted to know what was coming. It got to a point when I would voraciously read horoscopes thinking it would give me a heads-up to plan things. It was also about the long game. I wanted to know that my life was going to be good, that I would be happy. I would see psychics from time to time because it was reassuring to hear from someone that my family would be healthy and all would be well. I’ve read that it’s an Aries trait, the need to plan ahead and to feel more in control. I’m sure more of it has to do with my anxiety issues than anything! Knowing an eclipse was coming or when Mercury would be in retrograde wasn’t helping me though. It was just making things worse because I waiting for the bad stuff to happen. It started becoming too much in 2012 and early 2013.

Contentment came when I felt my life was falling into place. For me that was a successful career (getting my VP promotion in 2013), a partner with whom things came easy (meeting J in 2013 and we were engaged in 2014), and finally being blessed children. Although I was still struggling with some anxiety, I didn’t need the reassurance that I used to crave. Over time I’ve developed a confidence that things are going to be fine. Maybe it’s a mindset that comes with age? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not leaving things to chance. I do everything in my power to positively impact a situation. For me there have been experiences in life completely out my control giving me reason to just let go and embrace the situation, particularly planning our wedding, the Gents’ birth and J’s career.

J was previously married and for us to get married in the Catholic Church he’d have to have an annulment. It was my dream to have a traditional Catholic marriage ceremony in the Church. The short of a very long story is that the annulment didn’t come in time. Why didn’t we just wait for the annulment and then get married in the Church? It was becoming such a process that we couldn’t foresee how long it would actually take. We were beyond ready to start our life together and hopefully a family quickly, knowing that his career would take us outside of the US soon. We’ll eventually have our marriage blessed in the Church though. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Had we waited who knows when I would have gotten pregnant? And would we have The Gents today? I can’t imagine our life without these little people and their specific personalities. Even though not getting the annulment in time was a disappointment, we still had a beautiful, intimate, and REALLY special ceremony. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

So two months later I got pregnant, with twins! Amazing. This was God’s plan. I had a great pregnancy with no issues. At Week 32 C weighed 5.5 lbs and R weighed 4.5 lbs. That following week was really stressful with work and I put in 42 hours in three days. Thursday morning of my week 33 appointment I felt that something was off, but I chalked it up to be tired from work. J couldn’t make the appointment (the only one he didn’t go to) and I assured him I would be fine my own. That morning as I was getting into the shower I noticed a small amount of fluid leaking down my leg. Not one to be an alarmist, I just took it easy knowing that I was going in for my appointment that afternoon. My usually gregarious tech started the scan and I knew something was definitely wrong because he was so quiet. He then asked me if my water broke and I told him about the fluid from earlier in the day. The ultrasound doctor then came in to take a look. More silence. They finally told me that R had lost a pound since the previous week, most of the fluid in his sack had been depleted, there was low blood and oxygen flow between us, that I was immediately being admitted for the three of us to be monitored and that I would be having these babies by Saturday evening at the latest. My head was spinning. I was terrified for these guys. J wasn’t there! We weren’t ready! There were still things that needed to be finished in the nursery and prepped at home. Who was going to take care of Wally? And how was I going to get things tied up at work in time? (Yes, that last one was an actual concern.) It all worked out though. They arrived Saturday morning, tiny but healthy considering the scare we had. We knew how blessed we were compared to other families with children there. The biggest compliments we received as new parents were from doctors and nurses commenting on how chill we were and how well we handled it all. Energy is powerful and we didn’t want any negative vibes flowing to them.

And just over a week after the boys arrived J had to begin applying for positions at various Embassy posts. I will never forget him calling me from work while I was getting ready to go back to the hospital to visit the boys. We discussed and aligned on the rank order of the short list, consisting of locations all in the Middle East. I was so overcome with the day-to-day of The Gents, running back and forth to the hospital multiple times a day, pumping, trying to recuperate from the c-section and taking care of myself that I was going non-stop. I didn’t have time to think about where we might end up in a year plus. Three months later we found out we were moving to Riyadh. This is now our reality every two to three years. J will put in for a number of positions at various posts and then we’ll see what he matches with. We’re currently waiting to find out where we’re going in 2019. I do get a say in where he applies. For us to live this life the deal is that the company I work for has to have an office in any post location he applies, in hopes that I can find a position when we arrive. Other than that, it’s completely out of my control. And it’s kind of awesome. Yes, a little nerve-wracking, but there’s also something liberating and exciting about it! What matters the most is that we’re all together and safe.

I'm so grateful for these experience and the awareness of learning from them. Each has made me much more carefree. Believe me, I have had my share of freak-out moments consisting of anger, sadness, and worry all rolled into one during each. I certainly didn’t see it at the time when they were all happening, especially when my anxiety was at its peak (with the culmination of a cancer scare and the miscarriage) right before our Saudi move. Hindsight really is 20/20 though. Looking back, I firmly believe each of these major hurdles and life changes has helped me with my anxiety and retraining me to deal with things in an entirely different way. As I’m physically and mentally prepping for #3 I know I’ve got a lot to get done. Thankfully two big pieces of the of puzzle, finding a place to stay and a ob-gyn in Ann Arbor, came together late last night. Now I can focus on, baby prep, travel logistics and finding summer activities for The Gents. It could have been stressful right now, but I’m doing everything in my power to make it come together. No matter what struggles we face as a family, I stay positive and impact what I can. I know it will work out because it always does.

A Banner 2017

December 2, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

Before I jump into the highs of this year I'd be remiss if I didn't honor the losses that made us stronger, resilient and even more grateful for the life we've built and the beautiful, healthy family we have. We'll never forget those experiences and how they touched our lives. Our blessings are countless though and it's impossible to not see the love and positive vibes that continue to surround us. It truly is a banner year.

We currently live in Saudi Arabia! We're still in awe that we live in the Kingdom and impressed with how quickly we've all adapted to life in one of the the most restrictive countries in the world. It has a some positives and a whole lot of negatives, but we're so glad we took this leap because it has been a great experience. We just hit the six-month mark, a quarter through our time in Riyadh. We'll keep you updated on when we find out our next post.

The Gents continue to make strides and amaze us. R's hemangioma has almost disappeared and doesn't appear to have any long term affects on his hand movement. Before we left for Riyadh he proved he could indeed walk and no longer needed physical therapy, which was wonderful because I can only imagine the challenge of finding a physical therapist and getting to appointments in Riyadh. We patiently waited for these guys to grow as they had always been in the low percentiles for height and weight, (head circumference has always been large!) but they caught up at 18-months as their Georgetown pediatrician predicted. It seems like they're constantly going through growth spurts and eating more than me, daily. They're running, wrestling and climbing on everything. They're typical boys, usually with a car in hand and making loud noises. It's often crazy, but how could we not revel in it? They're loving life in Riyadh - the playground, meeting people, flirting with women of ALL ages (seriously), and proving they can swim without us hovering over them (although they do wear their Puddle Jumpers). They're not talking too much yet as they've developed a twin-speak and have no need to communicate with anyone else than each other. I'll admit, I'll be a little sad when their secret language phases out.

Wally turned nine in September and is subsequently turning into a bit of a grumpy old man. He's getting more protective of us all and more impatient with the younger pups he comes into contact with, showing them who's boss. He's still a sweetie though, playing with The Gents and other kids, while taking some heavy handed petting and tail grabbing from the littles. Some days you'd still think he's a puppy, galloping in the park with fury friends and hopping on his hind quarters. He wants for no love and attention as he gets plenty from our friends and neighbors. There is a growing waitlist of people who want to watch him when we travel. Some people probably wish they felt as much love.

It's been a big year for J with his new role in Riyadh, learning some Arabic, and being voted to the board of employee association at the Embassy. When he's not at the Embassy, he's socializing on the international diplomat scene. He's also now back to golfing and picked up tennis. I didn't even know he knew how to play tennis.

As for me, I got to be the Best Woman at my Bro's wedding, started this blog, became a working mother in Saudi Arabia, made some lovely friends, am learning some Arabic, traveled, and my love continues to grow for all of my gentlemen. I couldn't ask for more.

Oh and thanks for continuing to support this little project of mine, keeping in touch, and, most of all, sending your love. We can definitely feel it from afar. Can't wait to see what 2018 brings and to hopefully see you all next spring/summer when we're back in the midwest ! xo

Much love from The Bitter Crew - Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

p.s. When creating our holiday card this year it was really hard to narrow down just a few pics to include, so I figured it was necessary to post some favorites, showing The Gents growth over the year and some special moments. Enjoy!

Yes, We Have A Live-In Nanny

October 25, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

Our situation maybe not be as perfect at Mary Poppins, be it's pretty good!

This past week in Lyon was idyllic. I’ve quickly discovered that I’m one of those mothers who wants to travel with their children. Yes, it can be hard and a little more exhausting, and I may have stressed myself out a little to self-induce a couple of massive zits pre-travel, but I LOVE knowing that they are experiencing the world with us. We wouldn’t have it any other way. This time the trip was made much easier by taking our live-in nanny, Joy, along. Yes, I’m now also THAT mama.

Back in Virginia we had a full-time nanny because it was much cheaper than having the Gents in daycare. Having Lesly also meant that I was able to see the boys because I worked from home. Even though she wasn’t live-in, she made our lives SO much easier. Plus she gave the boys so much love and nurturing. She was perfect for us.

When we found out we would be moving to Riyadh, and I would be working, it was a no-brain-er that we’d hire a nanny to help out. When I was interviewing Joy she asked if she could live with us. In Riyadh, the rates for household help and childcare are very reasonable and within our means. In fact, live-in help is even cheaper because we’re providing a place to live. This concept was completely new to us, but it didn’t bother us either. We have the space so why not? And someone on hand all day to help out? I can easily subscribe to that. This isn’t 24/7 childcare though. We do give her the weekends off. I love our children, but I also recognize that everyone needs a little break! At any rate, a live-in nanny was never an option for us in The States.

Quickly I became accustomed to this new way of life. J and I were both able to workout again, we could go on dates, explore Riyadh, attend social outings at the Embassy and even stay out a little late with friends. Admittedly, Lesly was awesome in Virginia and often watched C&R in the evenings (for free!) so we could go out, but this is now a whole new world that we hadn’t experienced as parents before.

Soon after our arrival we started thinking about our first trip. When we decided on Lyon J asked, “Do you think Joy will want to come?” It hadn’t occurred to me. Traveling with a nanny? I know people do that, but not us! We've handled these guys on our own before. Plus she probably wants a little vacation, too. I would totally understand if she didn’t want an all-expenses paid trip to France, and get paid for doing her job…as much as that sounds ludicrous. Sometimes I don’t feel like traveling for work either. Fortunately, she agreed to come with us. I immediately started planning for our Michelin starred dinners, knowing we’d have someone at home with the boys in the evenings.

Vacations are supposed to decrease stress, but anyone who has traveled with a small child can tell you that another vacation is immediately needed upon arrival back home. It is more work than usual. The travel itself, baby proofing an Airbnb or hotel room, or not really being able to baby proof so you’re constantly helicopter parenting for fear they’re going to break something, meals, baths, sleeping arrangements, proper playtime, etc. We certainly managed all of this on our own before, but now that I’ve experienced a vacation with Joy I don’t want to have another without her. Even just for the flights alone it was so nice have an extra sets of hands while J got the carseats on and off the plane or got the carseats secured before getting the Gents settled. At our Airbnb she’d be up with me (they slept in my and J’s room so I got up with them), helping to feed the boys and get them ready for the day while I got myself ready or J ran out for our coffee. There was a park nearby so she’d take them over when they needed to blow off some steam. Don’t worry, we’re not monsters. We we did give Joy a day off to explore and took C&R with us when we drove down to Chateauneuf-du-Pape.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not jetlagged or that each trip with these guys gets a little easier as they become a little older and more experienced travelers or getting to spend time with a dear friend energized me, but I’ve never come back from a trip feeling so good. Not only did we get to visit a beautiful place to experience amazing food and wine, but we got to spend quality time with each other as a family AND we had our adult evenings out.

Anyone who knows me well also knows I did not grow up privileged. When I was a toddler my grandparents watched me and when my siblings were old enough they became my babysitters. I never met anyone who grew-up with a nanny until in my twenties when I met people from New York’s upper east side. I know this is going to come off sounding really pretentious, but having a live-in nanny is the best decision we’ve made. Joy is really good with the Gents and they enjoy her. She makes it possible for me and J to take care of ourselves, physically and mentally, as well as spend quality time with each other. I’m probably in a much better mood because of her, too. It’s crazy to think that we had to move to the other side of the world for this to happen. I have joked with other Embassy wives about not getting too accustomed to the perks of this life. For now, I’m taking advantage and enjoying it. Riyadh made this possible and for that I’m incredibly thankful.

Resume Building

October 10, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

Arabic coffee (yeah, it looks like tea) and a Krispy Kreme at today's Oracle workshop

As I'm stuck in traffic this morning on my way to work I'm a little frustrated that I'm running late for a workshop with Oracle that's starting at 8:30. Then I remember that no one in the Arab world is ever on time so I'm not going to stress about being late. Instead I decide to enjoy being driven to work, take the time in traffic to add to my gratitude journal, and reflect on how awesome it is that I get to do something most women don't.

I definitely wouldn't be working if it wasn't for my boss who created my position for me and fought hard to get funding for me. How's that for feeling valued?? And my male colleagues are some of the kindest and thoughtful individuals I've ever met. Even with being a newbie to the market, they're constantly asking for my input and wanting to learn from me. We've got a lot of projects in the works so they can develop their skill set and we can grow the clients' business. I'm excited to be part of it!

Although I'm busy, the expectations of working women are different. These guys work hard, easily putting in 12-14 hour days and often coming in on the weekends. I on the other hand have much more of a work-life balance, keeping 9-5 hours. I don't have a work phone, nor do I check email outside of work hours. And everyone knows a car is waiting for me at 5 o'clock. Oh and they're thrilled that I'm taking Arabic classes so they have no problem with me working from home on the days I have class. I suppose it is a bit sexist that there are lower expectations for me as a woman, but I have to admit that this is a welcome change of pace.

As you know there is only one other woman who works for Publicis here in Riyadh, and a fellow Wolverine at that (sorry, I had to drop that again!). I haven't mentioned this before, but even among the diplomat wives working is a rarity. It's not because they don't want to. It's just so difficult to get a job here. If they are employed they typically work at the Embassy. Those jobs are few and far between though and take forever to be hired into due to security clearances that need to be done. It can take months to a year.

I think I wrote previously that the US doesn't have a bilateral work agreement with KSA, meaning that Americans here on a diplomatic visa (like myself) aren't allowed to work on the local economy unless they give up their diplomatic status, which isn't ideal. I didn't have to give up mine because technically I got hired through our regional office in Dubai. A wonderful loophole that makes me a unicorn within the Embassy community. I only know of two other women who work outside of the Embassy. One is a lawyer and the other is a teacher at an international school. I know many women who are skilled professionals - nurses, lawyers, teachers, financial analysts - and they aren't able to work. As rewarding as taking care of children can be, these are women who want a fulfilling career and to financially contribute to their family as well.

This is something I'm a little self conscious about because I know how many women would like to be working so I don't really don't talk about my job unless someone asks me. When I do tell people that I work on the local economy they are in awe and want to know how I did it. Even J's coworkers think it's awesome that I work outside and get to leave the DQ most days.

The fact of the matter is that I did nothing special to get this job. Well, I suppose I was tenacious about working and didn't let this country's religious conservative vibe intimidate me. Fortunately, I work for a company that has offices all over the world and get to work with a group of kind and hardworking people that I enjoy spending my days with. For both of these I'm immensely grateful. At this point in my career, and our Arabian adventure, there isn't anything else could I ask for so I make sure to thank God every day for this resume building experience.

The Path That Led Here

October 5, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

I look back on this event in my life as an absolute game changer

In my career I’ve been fortunate enough to work with a number of global brands that have given me the opportunity to learn about advertising and marketing in other parts of the world and exposure to places I might never visit. In May 2013, I worked on a new business pitch for Chanel that took me to Paris. It was crazy and stressful, but I always look back on it fondly. I made connections with senior leadership in our company that I never would have otherwise and was able to be part of the pitch presentation team. What a career confidence building experience! Unfortunately we didn’t win the business, but had we won I would have moved to Paris to work on the global team. Amazing, right?

Funny thing is at that point in my life I had no desire to live abroad again. I had already lived in London and came back to really fall in love with Chicago. I was able to get home to Michigan to see family frequently, I had a great group of friends/support system, a nice disposable income to do what I pleased, and I enjoyed the work I was doing. The only thing missing in my life was someone to share it with.

Admittedly, I was kind of relieved when we didn’t win. I wouldn’t have to grapple with a decision and feel like I was sacrificing myself for the company or feel guilty that I was giving up a once in a lifetime opportunity. In my mind, I wouldn’t have the time or the opportunity to meet anyone if I was bouncing around the globe and working ridiculous hours on a new piece of business. I wanted to stay put in Chicago and see who might come my way.

Soon after the loss my boss came to me with a potential opportunity to move to Buenos Aries. I didn’t tell him no, as I knew it was a long shot since my Spanish isn’t good enough to be leading a client team in-country. And when he came to me again a week later with an another opportunity to move to Dubai I just flat out told him, as much as I appreciated I being considered, to please stop mentioning my name for these positions. He was surprised, knowing my love of working on global accounts. He thought this would make up for us not winning Chanel. Only once before this conversation had I ever opened up to a superior, but I felt I owed it to him to be honest about what I wanted in my career and personal life. He completely understood. To this day he is still one of my favorite bosses.

And then few days later that June I ran the life changing Ragnar Relay where I met J. Weeks after we started dating in July he got his offer with the State Department and then moved to Virginia in September. Surely his career would require that he work at a US Embassy somewhere else in the world and I knew I would make that journey with him. Naturally, the universe was pulling me out the US, again. Knowing he was just starting this new career, I let him take the lead on where. My only stipulation was, and still is, that there be a Starcom or Publicis office at any potential post location so I can continue working. We'll see what options we have for our next post. :)

I do believe we all have a path, but we can alter the path with our action or inaction. I also believe with faith, open-mindedness, getting outside of our comfort-zone, and positivity that greater opportunities will present themselves on our path. So many events happened in my life before I met J that prepared me for where I currently am and for that path I'm grateful.

And so begins my gratitude journal...