Taking A Little Break

I can’t believe it’s been 4 weeks since I last wrote a post! I knew I’d be busy with family and friends, enjoying everything I’d missed this last year about life back home, but it’s been eye opening to realize that I’ve hardly had a free moment for myself now that I’m pretty much on my own with The Gents. And when I do have a moment, I do yoga...and I may have gotten my nails done a couple times! As I have said before, everyone’s definition of self-care changes with life events. :) Next up is finding more time for writing, and then drawing. I really hope it will come, but I’m not putting too much pressure on myself. I’m just enjoying our time here, appreciating each day, and reflecting.

During this time a number of my beliefs have been reinforced:

–      America, even with its current short-comings, is still the greatest country in the world

–      Adjustments are hard, but life changes are ever harder – exponentially so for toddlers

–      Stay at home Mamas, with NO help, have such a tough job

I’ve mentioned this before in reference to my time living in London and since we’ve been in Riyadh, but the United States really IS awesome. Anyone who lives here and doesn’t recognize how precious our freedoms are, despite the many frustrations of our government, needs to spend an extended period of time outside of this country.

This may sound overly simplified and superficial, but – with its fresh air, parks, grocery stores, farmers markets, malls, ease of driving, restaurants, being able to go to church, not having to worry about being confronted by religious police for not being “properly” covered, etc. – living in the U.S. is SO much easier! I hope you all appreciate what you have and are thankful everyday being here.

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I didn’t really think about how each of these four phases of this trip – Chicago, Michigan (at my brother’s), Ann Arbor pre-delivery, and Ann Arbor post-delivery – might affect The Gents. Each of these phases is like a short-term move, and moves take time to time to settle-in and adjust to. It’s been tough on C&R.

As I’ve written before, they sense change is coming, but the last few weeks has been a lot to deal with. They’ve been in so many different environments, they’re constantly over-stimulated, their day-to-day routine is so different and now J is back in Riyadh. It’s been idyllic though, constantly around family and playing outside whenever they want. In these few weeks they’ve grown so much, especially in their communication, and I’m really proud of them.

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That being said, they’re pushing their boundaries since we’ve arrived Stateside. This is the most challenging time I’ve ever experienced with them, especially now that J is back in Riyadh. I truly feel like a stay at home mother now that we’re completely on our own during the day. I appreciate help so much more now! My patience is being tested constantly though. I just hope I can be the best Mama for them…and that they don’t put me into an early labor! Stay tuned… xo

The Path That Led Here - Part II

In early March Vogue published an article titled “This is 40…and Pregnant”. When I initially saw it on Instagram I was struck and intrigued by the post, being pregnant and 40 myself. The article really spoke to me – fascination from some at my age (and a lot of people asking or assuming I had help getting pregnant because we have twins) and affirming that so many other women are doing exactly what I did – having children later in life. This stirred quite a bit in me and made me reflect on the last 20 years and the further thinking about "The Path That Led Here".

I doubt anyone plans to have children later in life. It just happens. Lots of other things come up or get prioritized. Like myself, a lot of women are not rushing to get married or have children. We’re working on ourselves, our career, practicing self-care, taking the time to find the right person, etc. Frankly, I also chose to be selfish. I worked really hard so when I started making good money I wanted to use my disposable income to reward myself – shop, go to amazing restaurants, party, travel – and basically do whatever I wanted. It’s not to say I wasn’t looking for a partner, but it took a lot longer to find than expected. Did I get antsy about it? I sure did. In the end this was all worth the wait.

When I wasn’t looking, at 36, I met J while we both were running a relay race from Madison, Wisconsin to Chicago. We were both recruited on the team by different people and knew no one else. It was a complete chance encounter that put us in a minivan for 27 hours, being teammates, and getting to know one another a bit. We saw each other again a month later on July 4th, running with the same group, and were inseparable after. It was a whirlwind courting period let led to an engagement seven months later. We were married just after I turned 38, I got pregnant with twins and they arrived 6 weeks shy of my 39th birthday. We moved to Riyadh, I got pregnant again at 40 and will be 41 when she arrives. Yes, we’ve packed a lot into five years!

Is it harder to be pregnant and chasing toddlers around at after 40? It feels pretty much the same as it did three years ago. I think pregnancy and kids are exhausting no matter what age you are. I firmly believe women at this age are better educated than previous generations about self-care, physically and mentally, and have so many more resources to do so. Both of which I also believe have a big part in being healthy enough to get pregnant, having healthy babes and being the best versions of ourselves to take better care of them. I workout regularly, eat relatively healthy, and try to clear the negative clutter from my mind daily.

So why am I telling you all this and what does it have to do with you? It’s probably because I’m getting older, but being a Manager, Friend, Sister, Cousin, Auntie, etc. I’ve had a number of conversations with people, men and women, I care about regarding their careers and life decisions. If I had to impart any pearls of wisdom to you all or my children in the future, what would I share? It would be similar to what said to others. We all want different things in life and the key is recognizing what’s most important. All of the things I valued just a few years ago are still important to me. Things are just a little different now because I have a husband and children to factor in.

For instance, my career is still a big part of who I am. I’m taking a brief hiatus though that initially was out of my control, but after I got pregnant I thought what better time to take a break? I know I’ll eventually be back in the game. In the meantime I’m staying incredibly busy taking care of me, being a Wife and Mother. I'm now writing more, drawing, trying to stay on top of Arabic and filling the rest of my time with social activities. As for travel, it’s important that we do it as a family. I can’t imagine seeing the world without The Gents. J enjoys eating at high-end restaurants as much as I do but we’ve scaled it back and save the Michelin starred restaurants for when we’re traveling. We still both enjoy treating ourselves to very nice things, we’re just a lot more selective and frugal about it now.

I look back on my twenties and thirties with absolutely no regrets. I could have made a number of wrong turns along the way and my story would have been entirely different. Fortunately the few bad decisions I made were life lessons and not life altering. I lived my life exactly the way I wanted and missed out on nothing. I did what I believed was best for me, while trying to be aware enough of myself to make self-improvements and be ready when the right person came along.

Now that we’re a family I think the important thing is that we’re not making huge sacrifices as individuals and that we’re growing together as a family, continuing to do the things that are important to us. It’s far from perfect and still a work-in-progress, but here are some things I’ve learned that continue to help me live a happier, fuller life....

Lessons On The Path That Led Here
Know you want in life and prioritize what’s important to you. Don’t steer from it, but know that the list may get reprioritized.

Control what you can and let go of the things you cannot.

Be kind and aware of your actions because perception is someone else’s reality.

Don’t sacrifice yourself for anyone who isn’t willing to reciprocate.

Take care of yourself first, because no else one is going to.

You know what’s best for you better than anyone else, but don’t completely ignore advice from valued individuals.

Get rid of the negative energy (people and your thoughts) that’s holding you back from being happy.

Open yourself up to possibilities, especially the scary ones that take you out of your comfort zone.

Don’t compare your life to anyone else’s. We all have different paths to forge.

Live your life for you and no one else.

New Year, New Goals

As I was closing out one of my last posts of 2017 I mentioned that work has brought some challenges and uncertainty, that I would get into it another time. Well, the time to share is now. The short of it is that I’m not working. The Starcom Riyadh regrettably office lost its’ primary client. The GM had to make some tough decisions to reorganize staff in Riyadh and Jeddah offices and, for now, they can’t afford to keep me on.

Yes, I’m bummed. I really enjoyed working with this group of people and learning so much the last five months. It was truly a unique experience and I’m so grateful I was able to do it. I’m not worried though. Things ALWAYS have a way of working out. I’ve contacted some people who are looking out for me. Who knows? We may win a new client any day now and I may get called back into the office. In the meantime, I'm continuing to get comfortable in "unknown" and doing what's my control. The silver lining is that I’m home with The Gents. There is nothing negative about any of this!

Our nanny went back to the Philippines for the month to be with her father as he just had eye surgery. We have someone who comes during the day, but definitely not a live-in. I will admit, I’ve gotten a little spoiled having a live-in nanny. I’ve had someone to get up with C&R in the morning while i get ready, I can come and go as I need for work or class, I workout with J in the evenings, we can go out for dinner or hang out with friends sans children, etc. It’s idyllic. Most parents should be so fortunate. Being here, during the week, to get up with C&R and put them to bed is a dynamic I haven’t had since we were in Virginia…and they were much younger then! I’m exhausted. On the upside, I’m getting to connect with them more during the day than I’ve been able to in quite some time. It’s awesome.

So what am I going to do with all of this free time on my hands, now that I'm not going into the office? I’m still going to treat it like I’m going to work, rather now I’m just walking upstairs to my home office. I’ve got some things planned for this time and I’m adding a couple new goals to the mix…

I’m continuing my Arabic studies. I’ve gotten through the beginners and alphabet courses, so now on to intermediary which already started this month.

I started practicing yoga at home. I’ve been taking a class at the Embassy once a week since September. Have I mentioned I can do a head stand now?! It’s amazing what one hour of yoga a week can do and my goal is do two to three hours on my own. This is in addition to my regular HIIT workouts. I have to do these on my own during the day, for the month, because I’m on C&R duty in the evenings.

What I’m going to be adding is mindfulness meditation. I try to practice being mindful in general, all day every day, bit mindfulness meditation is entirely different. It's something I tried starting years ago but just didn’t make it stick. I’m terrible at it. My mind is constantly racing. I can barely pray without distracting myself. This is going to be a challenge for me! A dear friend started a little practice though so she’s my inspiration to get going again.

Since we’ve opted not to put the Gents in school yet and they’re turning two in a month (!) it’s time to start thinking about what more we can be providing for them at home, to get a little more of structure and curriculum that they would be getting at a nursery or Montessori school. I guess I’m going to be one of those homeschooling parents. I know nothing about education so this should be interesting.

And last, but not least, I’m putting a lot of thought into MSTB – what this blog is and what I’m doing with it. Originally it was just a way to stay connected with family and friends, to keep people in the know of our life in Riyadh. It quickly became more than just that because it evolved into my personal therapeutic tool. One of my cheerleader friends gave me a really complementary pep talk recently, informing me of my creativity, gift of writing, and how MSTB can inspire other women and mothers. REALLY?! I have no idea what any of that could be, but I’m going to push myself to hone in on that and pray something good comes from the process! Wish me luck.

So that’s about it. Cheers to getting 2018 started. If I’ve learned anything it’s that I can only grow when I’m pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. I hope you’re all as excited and pushing yourselves to do something new and scary, too! xo

99% Anxiety Free

As shared in previous posts, I’ve had some minor anxiety issues throughout my life that I’ve managed on my own. And in February of this year when I reached my breaking point, dealing with a number of issues, my doctor strongly suggested that I go on a low dose of Lexapro. I really like my doctor back at Georgetown. We’re the same age, she also had twins a little later in life, she genuinely cares so much that she always follows up with me, and she just gets me.

She knew I wasn’t comfortable being medicated. She even told me she didn’t want this being a long term solution for me. She knows I was an avid runner, working out regularly before The Gents arrival, so she wanted me to make an effort to carve out the time to take care of myself again. My mental and physical health depended on it. Knowing the correlation to working out and managing stress, which was how I managed my anxiety for years, I knew what I needed to do. And finally she suggested that maybe I start seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist. I just had a breakdown in her office. On top of work, my health and the move, I immediately started feeling overwhelmed with a list of things to start doing. I told her let’s focus on one thing at a time.

The short of a very long story is that I recently took myself off the Lexapro and I’m grateful for everything and everyone that made it possible for me to do so. I started in February, came off it March when I found out I was pregnant, and started again in mid-April after the miscarriage. This last stint was a 6-month stretch. It was great and exactly what I needed, given all of the struggles I was facing before we left the US. I think it also helped me transition to Riyadh and tackle all I wanted to accomplish before starting work in late July. I discussed it with the doctor at the Embassy in August and she too felt that I could come off it when I was ready. She also said Riyadh isn’t easy, so if the Lexapro helped she didn’t see the harm in sticking with it. Totally my call to make. At that time I was fine continuing it. I was feeling good and handling things well. I think the Lexapro was a bit of a security blanket I wasn’t ready to let go of, just yet.

A portion of my progress is directly attributed to my level of physical activity and dedicated writing. I’ve been working out on a regular basis for almost five months now, doing crossfit/HIIT 3 times a week and yoga once a week. I’ve never felt so strong and fit in my life! Whatever time I have left in the week after spending quality time with J and The Gents, which isn't much, I devote to this creative and cathartic outlet. My goal is to post once a week and I've managed to accomplish that since starting in June. It helps a ton that work isn't too demanding so I can work from home on Arabic class days and leave the office at 5p everyday. Having help from our nanny is another huge factor in my self-care. And last, but not least, is my supportive husband who knows how important these things are to me. I’m SO grateful. I believe everything happens for a reason. And we’re in a place that’s making it possible for me to take care of myself when I’ve needed it the most.

For the record, I did consider seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist. When I started looking into it I realized I already have one in D, my Leadership Coach, who I don’t have to pay for. (LOL!) Seriously though, the stress of my professional life compounded with day-to-day demands is the perfect storm that fuels my anxiety. Once D knew I was pregnant she impressed upon me the importance that I put myself and the babes first. No more messing around. Our collective health depended on it. How D supports me in my professional life often spills into my personal life. In each session we have we focus on a topic or problem to tackle, she makes me aware of any assumptions I’m making in the situation, helps me to think about things differently, suggests ways to approach the issue, and then it’s on me to set an action plan to achieve my goals. I’ve worked with D for nearly 6 years. She is wonderful and has helped me though many challenging times. I’m grateful she’s still willing to work with me while I’m in Riyadh. Even when I can't speak with her I still have her voice in my head, reminding me what I'm doing and helping me to think differently.

So when and how did I decide to stop taking Lexapro? When we got back from Lyon I began forgetting to take it before going to bed. And I never forgot to take it. Maybe it was my new nightly skincare routine that distracted me with so many new, fun and lovely smelling French products. (Can you tell how much I enjoy it?) When I would remember the following morning I thought to myself, “I’ll just take it tonight”. Some nights I would, and others I forgot, again. It was obvious I didn’t need it. I wasn’t fretting about what might happen if I missed a dose, or two, or three. After weening myself off and not taking it for the last few weeks I feel in control and I’m still caaaaalllm.   

Which leads me to my first test. This is a particularly tough week between taking care of myself, barely getting to see my husband because he's working late, spending as much time as possible with the Gents, oh and WORK. There are a few things going on at the office (mainly losing our primary account after 15 years and now pitching a number of new pieces of business to hopefully makeup the difference) that I could easily be worked-up about, but I'm not and I won't. And I’m not going to because, as I have finally learned to embrace, things always have a way of working out for the best...even if we can't see it in the thick if the craze.  Maybe there will be a time further down my path when I might need a little help again, but for now I’m grateful that I got my anxiety under control and to not have any unnecessary chemicals in my body.

One of the most uncharacteristic compliments I have ever received was back in August from my new and dear friend H. She had been in Riyadh just a few days and when meeting The Gents for the first time she commented on how well behaved they are, followed with, "I can see why they're so calm because you're so chill." CHILL! A word that has never been used to describe me! Uptight and high strung, yes. Although one of my friends a few years back once called me "the hippie of type A personalities". I had now reached a new level in my journey with this classification of "chill". Sure, this was just days into my friendship with H, but I was so proud that this was her early impression of me because it's something I've been working on for years. 18 years to be exact. In my very first appointment with a therapist, the summer after my college graduation, she and I discussed how to "stop sweating the small stuff". As I've gotten older it's no longer just small stuff, but rather mostly really BIG, heavy stuff. It's constant work and an on-going process to recognize what I'm doing, correct it, and focus on what I can control. Now that I have a family it's even more important that I'm making the effort so I can be the best version of myself for them. Am I'm not going to let some BS take away my chill. ;) 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! xo

Yes, We Have A Live-In Nanny

This past week in Lyon was idyllic. I’ve quickly discovered that I’m one of those mothers who wants to travel with their children. Yes, it can be hard and a little more exhausting, and I may have stressed myself out a little to self-induce a couple of massive zits pre-travel, but I LOVE knowing that they are experiencing the world with us. We wouldn’t have it any other way. This time the trip was made much easier by taking our live-in nanny, Joy, along. Yes, I’m now also THAT mama.

Back in Virginia we had a full-time nanny because it was much cheaper than having the Gents in daycare. Having Lesly also meant that I was able to see the boys because I worked from home. Even though she wasn’t live-in, she made our lives SO much easier. Plus she gave the boys so much love and nurturing. She was perfect for us.

When we found out we would be moving to Riyadh, and I would be working, it was a no-brain-er that we’d hire a nanny to help out. When I was interviewing Joy she asked if she could live with us. In Riyadh, the rates for household help and childcare are very reasonable and within our means. In fact, live-in help is even cheaper because we’re providing a place to live. This concept was completely new to us, but it didn’t bother us either. We have the space so why not? And someone on hand all day to help out? I can easily subscribe to that. This isn’t 24/7 childcare though. We do give her the weekends off. I love our children, but I also recognize that everyone needs a little break! At any rate, a live-in nanny was never an option for us in The States.

Quickly I became accustomed to this new way of life. J and I were both able to workout again, we could go on dates, explore Riyadh, attend social outings at the Embassy and even stay out a little late with friends. Admittedly, Lesly was awesome in Virginia and often watched C&R in the evenings (for free!) so we could go out, but this is now a whole new world that we hadn’t experienced as parents before.

Soon after our arrival we started thinking about our first trip. When we decided on Lyon J asked, “Do you think Joy will want to come?” It hadn’t occurred to me. Traveling with a nanny? I know people do that, but not us! We've handled these guys on our own before. Plus she probably wants a little vacation, too. I would totally understand if she didn’t want an all-expenses paid trip to France, and get paid for doing her job…as much as that sounds ludicrous. Sometimes I don’t feel like traveling for work either. Fortunately, she agreed to come with us. I immediately started planning for our Michelin starred dinners, knowing we’d have someone at home with the boys in the evenings.

Vacations are supposed to decrease stress, but anyone who has traveled with a small child can tell you that another vacation is immediately needed upon arrival back home. It is more work than usual. The travel itself, baby proofing an Airbnb or hotel room, or not really being able to baby proof so you’re constantly helicopter parenting for fear they’re going to break something, meals, baths, sleeping arrangements, proper playtime, etc. We certainly managed all of this on our own before, but now that I’ve experienced a vacation with Joy I don’t want to have another without her. Even just for the flights alone it was so nice have an extra sets of hands while J got the carseats on and off the plane or got the carseats secured before getting the Gents settled. At our Airbnb she’d be up with me (they slept in my and J’s room so I got up with them), helping to feed the boys and get them ready for the day while I got myself ready or J ran out for our coffee. There was a park nearby so she’d take them over when they needed to blow off some steam. Don’t worry, we’re not monsters. We we did give Joy a day off to explore and took C&R with us when we drove down to Chateauneuf-du-Pape.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not jetlagged or that each trip with these guys gets a little easier as they become a little older and more experienced travelers or getting to spend time with a dear friend energized me, but I’ve never come back from a trip feeling so good. Not only did we get to visit a beautiful place to experience amazing food and wine, but we got to spend quality time with each other as a family AND we had our adult evenings out.

Anyone who knows me well also knows I did not grow up privileged. When I was a toddler my grandparents watched me and when my siblings were old enough they became my babysitters. I never met anyone who grew-up with a nanny until in my twenties when I met people from New York’s upper east side. I know this is going to come off sounding really pretentious, but having a live-in nanny is the best decision we’ve made. Joy is really good with the Gents and they enjoy her. She makes it possible for me and J to take care of ourselves, physically and mentally, as well as spend quality time with each other. I’m probably in a much better mood because of her, too. It’s crazy to think that we had to move to the other side of the world for this to happen. I have joked with other Embassy wives about not getting too accustomed to the perks of this life. For now, I’m taking advantage and enjoying it. Riyadh made this possible and for that I’m incredibly thankful.

The Path That Led Here

In my career I’ve been fortunate enough to work with a number of global brands that have given me the opportunity to learn about advertising and marketing in other parts of the world and exposure to places I might never visit. In May 2013, I worked on a new business pitch for Chanel that took me to Paris. It was crazy and stressful, but I always look back on it fondly. I made connections with senior leadership in our company that I never would have otherwise and was able to be part of the pitch presentation team. What a career confidence building experience! Unfortunately we didn’t win the business, but had we won I would have moved to Paris to work on the global team. Amazing, right?

Funny thing is at that point in my life I had no desire to live abroad again. I had already lived in London and came back to really fall in love with Chicago. I was able to get home to Michigan to see family frequently, I had a great group of friends/support system, a nice disposable income to do what I pleased, and I enjoyed the work I was doing. The only thing missing in my life was someone to share it with.

Admittedly, I was kind of relieved when we didn’t win. I wouldn’t have to grapple with a decision and feel like I was sacrificing myself for the company or feel guilty that I was giving up a once in a lifetime opportunity. In my mind, I wouldn’t have the time or the opportunity to meet anyone if I was bouncing around the globe and working ridiculous hours on a new piece of business. I wanted to stay put in Chicago and see who might come my way.

Soon after the loss my boss came to me with a potential opportunity to move to Buenos Aries. I didn’t tell him no, as I knew it was a long shot since my Spanish isn’t good enough to be leading a client team in-country. And when he came to me again a week later with an another opportunity to move to Dubai I just flat out told him, as much as I appreciated I being considered, to please stop mentioning my name for these positions. He was surprised, knowing my love of working on global accounts. He thought this would make up for us not winning Chanel. Only once before this conversation had I ever opened up to a superior, but I felt I owed it to him to be honest about what I wanted in my career and personal life. He completely understood. To this day he is still one of my favorite bosses.

And then few days later that June I ran the life changing Ragnar Relay where I met J. Weeks after we started dating in July he got his offer with the State Department and then moved to Virginia in September. Surely his career would require that he work at a US Embassy somewhere else in the world and I knew I would make that journey with him. Naturally, the universe was pulling me out the US, again. Knowing he was just starting this new career, I let him take the lead on where. My only stipulation was, and still is, that there be a Starcom or Publicis office at any potential post location so I can continue working. We'll see what options we have for our next post. :) 

I do believe we all have a path, but we can alter the path with our action or inaction. I also believe with faith, open-mindedness, getting outside of our comfort-zone, and positivity that greater opportunities will present themselves on our path. So many events happened in my life before I met J that prepared me for where I currently am and for that path I'm grateful. 

And so begins my gratitude journal...